


Another One Of Those

by catsaremyboyfriend



Series: Pearl Parker [1]
Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Trans Female Character, transphobic slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2629280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsaremyboyfriend/pseuds/catsaremyboyfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Okaaaay. So, I wanted to write a genderbend Spideypool fic, but then I thought, there really aren't enough stories about trans people, and thoooose stories generally aren't all that happy, so I wrote a happy one where Peter Parker is trans. It never made sense to me that trans people wouldn't be able to fully transition in seconds in the Marvel universe, cause there's obviously the tech on Asgard, Loki switches sexes all the time and they can turn people into frogs, changing sexes shouldn't be a problem. Anyway, here's my story. If I totally fucked up, and it sounds like I'm making fun, please tell me so I can fix it and/or apologize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She comes home and he’s sprawled out on her couch, eating Doritos. “What are you doing here?” she asks flatly, tugging her mask off.

He looks over his shoulder at her, grins, and turns his attention back to the TV. “Hey, pretty girl. The boxes got tired of my old apartment, all that yelling and screaming and bang bang bang!” 

“So you came here.” 

“So I did.” She sighs and plops next to him, not bothering to peel her uniform off. “You did great tonight, by the way. Cap’n Tightpants agrees, I heard him telling the Red Scare.”

“I…uh…thanks?” she tries, his compliment taking her by surprise. She’s never sure what Deadpool will do. It took a year before she let him see her face. He used the pronouns she wanted, and he’s called her pretty girl ever since. 

Now she comes home and he’ll be passed out on her couch, bleeding everywhere as his legs grow back, or she’ll wake up to the smell of waffles and his cheery warbling. “But, uh, you coulda killed that one guy. All his fuckin’ screaming was driving me _insane_.” 

“Wade, I am _exhausted_ , and so not in the mood for your crazy today.” She catches the brief play of hurt across his face and winces, feeling like a jerk. “Uh, _however_ , if you’d like to stay and be quiet, I can beat your butt at Mario Kart again.” 

He grins, nodding, loose like a bobble head toy. “You know, baby doll, the boxes just _love_ you love you love you, Spidey.” 

He moves close, pushes his head into her shoulder, and his skin is dry and ridged. “I’m sure I’m thrilled.” 

He guffaws, kicking his feet, always so dramatic. She brings the game screen up as he mutters, “I’m gonna win, Spidey. Eye of the tiger and I’m _real_ thrilled to fight.” She ignores his constant stream of commentary and proceeds to kick his ass, cause there’s no man alive who’ll ever beat Pearl Parker at Mario Kart. 

 

After, he throws an arm around her, fingers stroking along the soft skin of her neck. She shivers, spidey-sense going haywire like it sometimes does around him. “Hey, Pete-” She shoves him away and frowns, and he holds his hands up. “Sorry, sorry, pretty girl. _Pearl_. What movie do you wanna watch?”

“Pacific Rim.” She runs a hand down the curve of her hips, grateful for Asgardian technology. She can look in the mirror and see who she really is now.  
It’s the only time she ever liked Loki, when the incantation was done and Pearl raised trembling hands to her newly smooth face. Thor had clapped her heavily on the shoulder and exclaimed, “You are as lovely a woman as any I’ve seen, my friend. Now come, let us return to the new city of York!”  
She grins and gets up to put in the movie, the memory making her happy enough that she ignores Deadpool checking out her ass. “I’m gonna change during the previews,” she tells him, heading for her room. 

“Those are the best part!” he calls after her, then there’s incoherence about peep shows. She tugs on shorts and a sweatshirt that might actually belong to Wade, cause it’s bloodstained, but then so is most of her stuff. Part of being a superhero, and it took a while to get used to periods. 

“I told you not to leave your stuff here.”

“Sorry, baby girl, but my stuff is all up in your business. The fangirls agree. It’s unanimous.” She rolls her eyes and sits near enough to him that their thighs brush. He’s starved for touch, soaks up any hint of it, so maybe she gets over her personal space issues when he’s around. 

“If I fall asleep and wake up to you sniffing me or something, I will web you to a wall and leave you there,” she threatens.

“Spidey, baby, I’m a ninja. You wouldn’t even notice if I sniffed you.” She laughs and tosses a pillow at his face.

 

When she wakes up the credits are rolling and his fingers are in her hair. “You washed your ‘ands, right?” she slurs, curling further up.

“Yeah, Pearlie. No blood on these hands. Well, no actual blood, the gallons of metaphorical blood are best left undiscussed.”

“Mkay.” She smacks her lips and falls back asleep.

 

He’s gone by daylight, left behind Dorito crumbs and a new bloodstain. She’s used to bloodstains.  
He’d popped an eye back in once and told her, “Pearl, baby girl, you’re gonna see a lot of blood in this life. Fair warning, a lot of it’s gonna be from me or because of me or because people like reading about violence in their boring daily lives, but Spidey, you gotta stop puking whenever there’s a gusher.”  
She’d stood up, wiped her mouth, and nodded.

 

She’s fighting would-be rapists when Deadpool appears out of nowhere and shoots them in the knees, six quick clean shots. “Deadpool! What the hell?” 

He shrugs, wiping off his gun with a cloth from one of his pouches. “What? They’re not dead. You told me not to kill people as much, and the yellow box agreed, and now the fanboys are rant rant ranting about how lame I’ve gotten,” he whines, and she laughs in spite of herself.

“I’ve got to get out of here. Jameson hates me enough already.” 

“Yeah, go, I’ll take the blame. Always willing to maim for a friend.” She blows him a kiss on impulse and webs away. 

 

Wade watches her go and the boxes are ecstatic. He glances down at the men, points a finger. “Stay. I’ll murder you momentarily.” _Maybe._  
**Pearl said no. We listen to Pearl.**  
_Pretty Pearl. A pearl among women._  
**Yes. No killing today. Let’s get tacos.**

Pearl’s asleep when he gets back, she’s always asleep, pretty baby girl with hair in her eyes. **You’re staring.**  
_It’s fucking weird. We have our own place, by the way._  
“Pearl’s place is better. It has Pearl,” he argues, tap tap tapping his feet and idly checking out her butt.  
_Our Anaconda wanna._  
**That was lame even for you.**  
The boxes start fighting, so he shakes his head until they’re all dizzy and he can change out of the suit in peace, borrow some of her clothes from before and grab one of the sweatshirts he’s started leaving here. He keeps the mask on.  
**Wouldn’t do to have poor Pearl wake up to our face** , the boxes agree.  
_She could wake up_ on _our face, though._ He nods, and dumps his guns near the door, cause one time he shot Pearl a little and she screamed at him the whole four hours it took her to heal. Also he felt bad. He pulls the blanket up over her shoulders and goes to shower.


	2. Serenity

She’s painting her nails when Wade rolls through the widow and grins at her, blood bubbling from his mouth. He chokes on her name and bends over, vomiting more blood onto the carpet. “Wade! What the hell?”

She leaps over, hands skittering across his shoulders and chest. He stays still for a minute before standing and wiping his chin.  
“Fuck, I hate when they crush my chest, you know? Crunch snap and I can’t _breathe_ , Spidey, like when my daddy used to stomp on me like a bug and you know there are more ants than people, they could conquer us one day, ‘Take me to your leader,’ and Ant-Man, he’s a sneaky fucker, you keep an eye on him, asshole got his own movie and Black Widow has _none_.”

“You can’t just do this, Wade!” she hisses, hands balling into fists. “You can’t just come into my apartment and puke blood and almost die every other Thursday!”

He tilts his head like a puppy and frowns. “The boxes are yelling, too. I’ll, uh, clean up the mess?” 

“That’s not the problem!” He scrapes his toe along the ground, and the whole room _reeks_ of carnage and her hands are shaking. She keeps waking up from nightmares where he’s dead, where he’s finally found something that can kill him. 

“What’s the problem, then?”

“You’re my friend, Wade! No one likes seeing their friends get hurt!” 

**We’re her friend?**   
_We’ve never had a friend before._   
**What about Punisher?**   
_Correction. We’ve never had a_ pretty _friend before._   
“Look, pretty girl, Pearl, I’m fine! Two seconds and I heal, just like Logan, only I have my own videogame, now available at a discount.” 

She looks like she’s going to cry now, but Pearl never cries, not even when Jameson calls her a tranny on the front page and says she’s an embarrassment to heroes everywhere and Deadpool was gonna fucking _gut_ him, present his intestines as a gift, but Pearl said no more body parts.  
“Wade! Be serious for a second!” He snaps to attention, saluting, and was he ever in the military? He can’t remember. **Don’t Ask Don’t Tell would be a problem.** “Just because you can heal fast doesn’t mean you should get hurt all the time,” she tells him, big brown eyes all soft and sad and she makes him so _weak_ but he likes it. 

“Are you implying you actually care, pretty girl?” he teases. 

“Of course I care. You’re my closest friend.” 

The boxes are going off like fireworks, bing bang boom, they are _thrilled_ and he clicks his heels together.   
“Shiny! We can buy BFF charms,” he says, all happy and he’s already forgotten who crushed his sternum in the first place, it’s no big deal as long as Spidey’s laughing like that. 

Eventually he cleans up the blood and showers, comes back in a towel and she’s the one checking him out, now. “I’m borrowing clothes again,” he says as he disappears into her room. She sips her juice and waits, but there are no sounds of disaster.  
“I love the feel of silk panties against my balls,” he crows, strutting back in and she’s both repulsed and intrigued by that image. 

He’s wearing sweats, but… “You did _not_.”

He grins and waggles his eyebrows, thrusting his hips forward. “Oh, Spidey. I so, _so_ did.”   
He looks so pleased with himself when she laughs, then he starts babbling on about Hanes and fruit and, “ _Grapes_ , Spidey. I hate grapes. I got killed with a grape once, can you even believe it? Some little bitch, she blew it up _inside_ my stomach, there were Deadpool guts everywhere and I’ve hated grapes ever since. And bombs, also bombs. It’s a real tragedy when a man can’t trust his own fruit.”

“Or bombs?”

“Never trust bombs, baby girl.”

 

Pearl falls asleep on top of him and every part of his body is thrilled, even his ears. She’s all soft and pliant and she smells like honey and the weird chemical shit she makes her webs out of and he loves it. _Touch her butt._   
**Do not touch her butt, she’ll never let us do this again.**  
“Shh, _shh_ ,” he hisses, cause the voices are fucking loud and Spidey stirs a little.   
Her thigh is _right_ on his dick, Jesus _Christ_ , he died and went to heaven once but this is _better_ and maybe she won’t notice if he rolls his hips a bit but both boxes are telling him no no no so he ignores poor Wade Jr. and falls asleep, hand splayed over the small of her back.


	3. Itsy Bitsy

She wakes up with her face pressed to his chest, fingers curled in the fabric over his heart. He’s breathing easily, hands at her waist. The TV chatters in the background. “Wade?”

His fingers tighten then go loose as he heaves a sigh. “Hey, baby girl. Enjoy your sleep?” 

“Yeah,” she murmurs, pressing her face further into his breastbone. 

“Just letting you know, Avengers Tower was attacked while you were nappin’.” She’s up and on the ceiling in an instant, webbing her costume close. Then he starts giggling. “Your fuckin’ _face_ , Spidey, I _swear_.”

She drops heavily onto his chest, enjoying his “oomph!” “ _Not funny_.” 

He settles his hands at her hips and squeezes. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”

Her skin tingles pleasantly. “I have patrol in an hour,” she whispers.

“Dunno why you’re telling me.” 

“You can stay until then.” 

She sees his eyebrows lift under the mask, can picture the thin gash of his smile. “Maybe I’ll follow you, be a lawless vigilante, too.”

“You’re already a lawless mercenary,” she points out as he sits up, keeping her in his lap. 

“We have laws. We have lots and lots of laws. Like ‘don’t kill people for free’ and ‘don’t kill a mercenary with their own weapon.’ That’s just common fuckin’ courtesy, Spidey, I tell ya.” She wiggles til he sucks in a breath and pushes her away. “I’ll be in the bathroom!”

“I’m making sandwiches.” 

 

He jerks off thinking about her, and that _ass.  
Cum in her towel, girls like that._  
 **They do _not_.**  
 _We’re just marking our property!_  
Pearl hears him breaking out of her bathroom window and rolls her eyes. “You could just use the door, Wade!” His cackling laughter echoes back. She wants to patrol for a few hours before visiting Aunt May, so she eats quickly and heads out as it gets dark. 

 

She catches three purse thieves, two muggers, a rapist, and one armed robber, then she runs into Rhino. It takes three hours, six transphobic slurs, and two broken ribs until he’s passed out in the middle of the street. She waits for Coulson to show up and take him away before she calls Aunt May and tells her she can’t come over.

When she limps back home, feeling her ribs knit together, Wade’s waiting. “Hey, pretty girl, heard you got beat up _big_ time by Rhino, you wanna have me make him extinct?” 

She takes a slow, careful breath. “No…don’t kill…him.” 

“Alright, Spidey.” He’s gentle as he peels off her mask, touches the smudge of dirt on her cheek. “You wanna shower while I order pizza and get your bed ready?” 

She bumps his chin with the top of her head. “You’re basically…the best thing…ever.”

He moves back and strikes a cocky pose. “Like I didn’t already know that.” She smiles and heads for the shower.

 

“Two large cheese pizzas,” Wade says into the phone, then gives the address and Spidey’s credit card info. She doesn’t know he has it, and he’s not gonna be the one to tell her. It’s not like he uses it for anything but ordering pizza. 

When she comes out in shorts and a tank, droplets of water on her chest, dripping under the collar, he yelps and pulls his mask down. She settles across from him and steals his juice, drinking deeply. “I’ve seen your face like a hundred times, Wade. You can leave the mask off.” 

He shrugs uncomfortably, because she’s so pretty and he is not. “Pizza’s coming soon.” He slides two of his superhero-worthy, illegal in 32 countries, extra-special painkillers across to her. “Take these.”

She rolls her eyes but takes them, and he’s touched. Not even Logan will consume stuff Wade hands over. “We’ll…talk about this…later.” Her eyes are already beginning to droop. He hopes the pizza guy hurries up.

 

Later, when she’s hopped up on painkillers that are worryingly strong and probably illegal, she sprawls across his chest and goes, “Holy shit, are we _dating?_ ”

He does an overdramatic double take before laughing. “I dunno, pretty girl. I’m not exactly the kinda guy you take home to the folks.”

She’s serious for a second, holding his eyes. “I’d take you home. I really would, Wade.” 

“Okay, Spidey. Time to sleep.” He picks her up and carries her to her room, places her carefully on her bed and tucks the covers under her chin. 

“We’re totally dating,” she slurs sleepily as he kisses her forehead. “I’ll list why later.”

“You do that,” he says, turning the light off and settling in for a long night of infomercials.


	4. Holmes

“So, what are you doing for Christmas?” she asks on the 20th of December, after enduring 900 Christmas songs on the way home.

“I’ll be at home, I guess,” he says, confused, brow furrowing under the mask. She wishes she could tug it off, see the entirety of his expressions, but that’s a line she won’t cross.

“Do you…have family?” she asks carefully. He laughs hysterically, and it makes her uncomfortable. She _knows_ Wade is crazy, but sometimes…he wears it like another mask. 

“The boxes are my only family, baby girl. I spend Christmas alone.” Pearl spends Christmas with Aunt May and Gwen. She has a Christmas party with the Avengers that Stark goes all out on, and she always has an invitation to Mary Jane and Flash’s place, too.   
She’ll spend Christmas Eve watching movies with Aunt May and Gwen, then there’ll be waffles in the morning, Aunt May kissing them both on the forehead, and gifts that are inexpensive but carefully picked out. Pearl loves Christmas. 

“You should spend it with me.” He doesn’t even try to refuse, just jumps into her arms, knowing her super strength will hold him.

She laughs and puts her hands under his thighs so he won’t slip as he babbles excitedly in her ear. “That’ll be awesome, baby girl. Maybe I’ll wear a beard and come down your chimney and you’re gonna get the best present ever and so is your aunt, what does she want? I’ll spend all my murder money on her, who else is going?”

“Gwen,” she says as she puts him down, lets him keep his arms looped around her neck. She can feel the bump of the guns at his waist, but it doesn’t bother her. 

“I’ll get her chocolate or an island or diamonds,” he says casually, and she feels happy, pushes her face into the side of his mask.   
_____________________________________________  
“Pearl, baby,” he says, plucking his tooth from his belt and putting it back into place.

“Oh my _God_ , Wade. You know that’s gross.”

“Either I put it back in or it grows back, Spidey. This is less painful.” She webs a Doombot closer, flips over its head, and punches through the chest cavity. It explodes in a shower of sparks. Iron Man’s somewhere nearby, whooping through the comms as his repulsor beams flash.  
It’s just Doom, so mundane that her heart’s barely pounding. Wade loses a hand, laughs as he grabs it out of the air and fits it back on. “Come on, Pearlie, you’ve only taken out like three bots,” he yells over the sound of metal breaking.   
She rolls her eyes, realizes he can’t see it under the mask, and gives him the finger. 

They get ice cream after. Wade steals it from an overturned cart, tucks a twenty into the till. “Here, ‘ave a cone, on me,” he says, taking his mask off. They sit on the curb, knees bumping. Rubble litters the street. The cleaning crews will be here soon, but for now it’s quiet. No one died, so she can relax.   
Black raspberry ice cream. Her favorite. Wade remembered. He always remembers. She bumps him with a shoulder til he turns, licking chocolate from his chin. Five year old, she swears. She grins at him anyway, and his face lights up. “Baby girl.”

She leans fully against him. “Wanna come home with me?” 

“F’course.”

“Did you get Aunt May’s present yet?”

“Mhm.” There’s blood trickling from his ear. He got hit in the head a few times. Brain’s healing. He’ll be quiet and slow for about five minutes. She’s surprised that she knows that. She’s surprised how much she knows. 

“Are you ready to go?” she asks, standing and holding a hand out. He takes it, and she pulls him up, close enough that she can wipe the blood from his neck. 

He falls asleep as soon as they get home. She changes into sweats and a tank, makes about eighty pancakes. Superhero metabolism. She’ll make ham sandwiches for Wade when he wakes up. It’s all he eats after fights. Maybe they’ll go out for tacos later.  
____________________________________________  
She’s wearing one of those off the shoulder shirts he loves, the ones that are so soft they get caught by the calluses on his fingers. It’s warm enough inside to wear shorts, too. Her hair is coiled loosely at the base of her skull.   
The strong muscles in her thighs flex as she goes to her toes, reaching for the ornaments on the highest shelf. She put them up there before her transition, when she was several inches taller. He laughs out loud and she looks over her shoulder, sticks her tongue out. “Are you just gonna sit there, or are you gonna help me? They’re too delicate to web down.”

“Nah, baby girl. I’m enjoying the view.” She gives him a high peal of laughter and he’s so in love with her, cups a hand around the back of her thigh before lifting her to his shoulders.  
________________________________________________  
Wade’s got a gun to his head. It happens a lot, he doesn’t mind. He laughs and pushes forward, crowing, “Come on, motherfucker, do it, come on!” It’s a hostage thing or whatever, he’s not really sure anymore. They shoot him.

Twenty seconds later he’s back and he’s seeing red that’s a mix of blood and bloodlust. Snapped neck for the first two goons, caught unaware, and seriously, how do people _not_ know that he’s a motherfucking little cockroach, impossible to kill?   
There’s only one guy left and he whimpers something about his kids as Wade snaps a leg off a chair and stabs him through the eye with it. He waits til his legs stop twitching before he leaves, whistling. Maybe he’ll make omelets for Pearl when he gets home.  
_________________________________  
He always seems to get into shit. A simple trip to the bank for money and there’s this kid with a gun to someone’s head, so Wade stands up and says something brilliant and witty, which makes the guy scream, “I’ll kill them if you don’t back off!”

“I don’t think you understand how much I don’t care. I’m not a good guy, bro.” Except he kinda is now, it’s awful. He waves a hand. “Go the fuck ahead.” He sticks his hands in his pockets, which feels weird cause he usually wears the suit. 

“I…uh…” The guy puts the gun down. “College loans, you know? I studied art.” 

“Ohhh. Bad idea, my friend.”

“You think I don’t fuckin’ know that? I’m robbing a bank, for Christ’s sake.” He shoves the hostage forward. “Here. I never wanted to kill anyone anyway.” Wade shoots the dude in the kneecaps. Kneecaps don’t kill, which means the heroes don’t get all angry and gross. “Jesus Christ! I gave up!”

“What? You don’t need your kneecaps to make art. There are kids in this bank, asshole.” He grabs his cash and grins. “Deadpool out.”  
 **Spidey will be so proud.**  
 _If we tell her, maybe she’ll suck us off._  
He smacks the side of his head. “Shut up.”  
____________________________________  
Sometimes the voices say things that he can’t handle he can’t fuckin’ handle he just _can’t_ so he shoots himself in the head and everything’s white for a while. He comes back in a puddle of his own blood and the voices are back to normal again, so he grins and walks away.   
There’s an old lady giving him the evil eye. He probably shouldn’t shoot himself in alleyways anymore. It would suck to get robbed while he’s sorta dead.  
_____________________________  
Pearl’s painting her fingernails. She likes the gold best. Black Widow gave it to her. “Pour this down a man’s throat and he dies in less than ten seconds,” she had whispered, closing Pearl’s hand over the bottle and smirking. No one can smirk like Black Widow. Pearl was both a little turned on and a little scared. With the Widow, it’s always a toss up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry, I thought I'd posted the first part of this earlier! Also, my chapter titles don't mean anything, they're generally just a reference to whatever I'm watching when I post the stories.


	5. Abby Normal

He waits as she collars a would-be robber, holding him by the arm. A crowd of people are gathered around them, mostly cheerful. It was an easy catch with no deaths and no injuries. The guy pretty much gave up the first time Pearl punched him.  
He waves at her, proud, and she nods. She’s probably smiling through the mask. He waggles his eyebrows. 

“Hey, look, it’s our friendly neighborhood Spider-tranny!” one guy calls, hands cupped over his mouth.

Pearl flinches, hand clenching hard enough around the perp’s arm that he winces. “Hey, lady, that hurts!” She murmurs an apology and loosens her grip, webs him to the ground before she takes off. The crowd is giving the guy annoyed looks, but they’re not saying anything. _People never fuckin’ say **anything**._  
Wade waits for them to disperse, follows the guy who yelled transphobic slurs at Pearl as he ambles home, hands in his pockets. Spidergirl is a hero, but Deadpool doesn’t forgive and he doesn’t forget. It’s easy to get in his apartment, easy to take him down, easy to slowly uncurl his intestines.

“Pearl would be _so_ mad,” he says over the guy’s muffled screams.   
_**He deserves it**_ , the boxes agree.   
_Hurt him and hurt him and hurt him_ , yellow mutters.  
 **Poke him in the kidneys again.** He does, then slits his throat. He washes off in the guy’s shower and leaves. Pearl will be angry, but he feels clean. Some stuff just has to be done.  
_________________________  
Her Spidey-senses are going haywire, tingling at the tips of her fingers. Someone is outside her door. She can hear him talking. 

“Cutting and cutting and cutting and _cutting_.” She swings the door open and it’s Wade, kneeling. Blood up to his elbows, splashed across his chest and to his face. He reeks of carnage.

“Wade?” He falls forward, forehead to her stomach, and starts laughing.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Pearl. I know, I _know_ , I promised to stop killing so much, but they had me underwater, Pearlie, just like Mama used to make, and…” He takes a deep breath, and she palms the back of his head, where the scars are deepest, where they went in and hacked away at his brain.  
“There’s blood in my mouth, Pearl, and I don’t think it’s mine,” he says softly. She moves her hand to his neck, feels his pulse thrum. “The yellow box won’t stop laughing, and it’s driving me _just_ a little _crazy_ ,” he mutters, voice climbing higher and higher.  
This isn’t the first time he’s come to her like this, hacked up and rambling, soaked bloody. The first time, she’d screamed and accidentally broke his sternum. He reacted on instinct, almost killed her. It took three months before he came round again. They’re better now.   
She drags him up by the collar, slaps him across the face. Tough love works best on him. It makes her anxious, that one day she’ll push too hard, but his shoulders settle as he shakes his head. “Sorry, I’m… _sorry_.”

“You’re going to take a shower, and I’m going to stand outside while you do.” He rolls his shoulders, nervous, and she taps lightly at his cheek. “Alright?” He nods rapidly. “ _Go_.” She pushes him towards the bathroom. 

He strips and his hands are shaking and it’s _hahaha_ in his head over and over and they were just meat under his blades, they weren’t even alive just targets to be cut down and he’d choked on their blood, swallowed it down and came back for more while they screamed for mercy.   
He’s not even sure what they wanted, there were hands on his neck and head and then water, like when his mom would fill up the sink and hold him under. He’d die and come back, die and come back. 

“Wade! Get in the shower.” **Pearl**. Something in him always responds to Pearl, even the parts that never stop laughing. He nods to himself and steps in, pretends that the heat is peeling his skin off. 

She comes in when he’s clean and dressed, wearing sweats that used to fit her. The skin that shows between scars is flushed. She watches as he forces himself to vomit blood, hunched over the toilet.  
She keeps touching him, a hand on his arm, thigh pressed to his shoulder blades, fingers to his cheek. He brushes his teeth as she makes ham sandwiches. They eat in silence, then he falls asleep face down on her bed while she reads next to him, right leg splayed over his waist.

He’s grinning and happy when he wakes up, flops over her lap. 

“Hey, baby girl.” 

She smiles fondly, strokes from collarbones to belly button. He gives a full body shudder and arches into her touch, and she steals her hand back. “I...sorry.” 

His smile is soft, a touch loopy. “It’s _all_ good, Pearl.”

“You feeling better?” He nods and sits up, stretching. The muscles in his back flex, and she licks her lips. _Jesus_. 

“Thanks, Pearl. You know.” 

“Yeah. I got you.” She jumps to the ceiling, scurries over his head and into the next room, flips lightly onto the kitchen table. “Pancakes? I have strawberries.”   
He chuckles and follows her in, holds a hand out. She takes it and grips as she steps off the table. “Pancakes it is, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's been a. watching Sweeney Todd and b. reading too many bdsm fanfics. Me. it's me. is this weird? tell me if it's weird.


	6. Agents of S.M.A.S.H

She brings him to Christmas and he behaves, gives Aunt May a gold bracelet that probably costs more than Pearl makes in a month, buys Gwen a five year subscription to Wired. 

He kept trying to give Pearl the codes to all his bank accounts, wheedling, “Come on, you could use a million dollars!” but she refused, told him to make something himself. They all get sweaters from Aunt May, who gets a bit tipsy and goes to bed early after kissing them all on the cheek.

Gwen’s a little pink, too, leaning warm against Pearl’s side. She gave Aunt May and Pearl space heaters, cause gas is expensive. Wade got socks. Pearl worked hard on her gifts, scraped up to buy Gwen the heels she’s been lusting after, got Aunt May a necklace with a spider pendant. She gives Wade the key to her apartment and pretends it doesn’t mean anything. 

He waits til Gwen falls asleep, head pillowed on the armrest, before he tosses a battered sheath of papers at her. “Here.” 

She turns it over, sees his shitty, scrawled handwriting. _Coupons_. She laughs, opens it up. _One week of me staying away.  
One free punch to the face._ It’s pages and pages of stuff like that, and she bites her lip. 

_Shit_. She’s not smiling anymore, looks at him with sad dark eyes.

“Wade? Why would you…” She tosses the coupons aside and stands, jostling Gwen. “This is a stupid present! Why do you think I want to avoid you?”  
 **Shit, we fucked up.**  
 _Our fault our fault our fault_ , yellow chants. 

His knees start jumping, and he wants to grab her but she doesn’t like being touched when she’s angry. “I thought…” 

“I gave you the key to my fucking apartment,” she hisses. “Did Project X make you stupid, too?” 

“Yeah, I’m really feelin’ the love,” he grumbles, stung. 

She softens, picks up the coupons and tears them in half, then sits next to him. “You’re not a punching bag, Wade. Not to me.” “Okay.” 

He pushes lightly at her shoulder. “You know, it took me a while to make that.” 

“Please. That took five minutes and some self-hatred. Make a better present next time. Coupons for free dinner or something.” 

“Free dinner. Got it.”

She rolls her eyes, but they’re good again and he knows it. “I’ve gotta get Gwen up to bed. Have fun on the couch.” 

“I thought we were gonna snuggle,” he whines, half serious, and she grins.

“If you manage to force down Aunt May’s breakfast, I’ll think about it.” He salutes as she coerces Gwen to stand and stumbles upstairs.  
_____________________________  
“I think this is wrong,” she murmurs, breaking the chains around his wrists.

“Wha’, the keepin’ a human being prisoner for experimentation?” he slurs weakly as she stands, supporting him.

“No. Well. Yes. But I meant that I’ve saved you a lot. What’s with the damsel in distress thing?” 

“Breaking gender roles?” he tries. His tongue just grew back a few minutes ago, it always feels weird. 

“Okay. I can live with that.” She kicks the door open, knocks out the goon standing outside, and they’re free.

It’s just her there to rescue him. No one else would come, which she’s pissed about. Just because he’s Deadpool. She’ll remember this next time Wolverine needs help with his angsty bullshit.  
Wade’s still groggy, which means whatever they gave him was _really_ powerful. He wanted to get drunk once, and they had to use an IV filled with vodka. 

“They tole me to stop talkin’,” he mumbles, then giggles. “I didn’ listen.”

“Did you get your tongue cut out _again_?” It’s got to be the fifteenth time. 

“Better than when they sew my mouth shut. Can breathe.”

“Jesus, Wade.” She leads him out of the complex and to Gwen’s car, where Gwen’s waiting. She’s the best. Pearl shoves Wade into the backseat and slides in. 

“Hey, gorgeous,” Gwen says, grinning over her shoulder. 

Pearl tugs her mask up and smiles back. “Thanks, Gwen. I owe you.”

“You always owe me.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Now, step on it, there are some very unhappy goons still out there.” Gwen lets out a peal of laughter and takes off.  
_______________________________________  
When Pearl has girl time with Gwen, he sometimes hangs out with Logan, has a few beers, relives the terrible old times. Logan doesn’t like him, and the feeling’s mutual, but there’s a past between them that has to be respected. If he needs a real friend, he’ll find Blind Al or something. 

“How’s Jean?” Wade asks, because Jean’s usually a safe topic. 

“Dead,” Logan grunts, which is, what, like the fifth time? Jean dies more than he does, Christ. 

“Oh. Sorry.” Logan shrugs and takes a long swig. Wade wonders when Pearl will be done. Logan is such a _downer_ and he pops out the claws like all the time.  
They finish their beers in silence while some chick eyefucks Logan, who keeps sniffing in her direction, which…creepy. More power to her, though, if she can make him think of something besides Jean. Then again, with Logan’s history, she’s probably his ex-girlfriend’s sister from another timestream who has his baby or whatever.  
Wade leaves before anything like that happens. He’s not stupid.  
_____________________________________________________  
Pearl has shiny hair and pretty nails when he gets back and breaks into her apartment, cause yeah he has a key, but crime is always more fun. Besides, the keys were mostly symbolic. He thinks.  
 **We’ve been accepted into her life.**  
 _Cats make good eating_ , yellow chimes in, so. He’s not really a fan of cats, but he’s not Grunch. 

“Hey, baby girl. Did you have fun with Gwen?” 

“Yeah, we had our hair blown out and got our nails done, then Asp of all people was at the mall, but she’s been neutral for a while now so I just walked by.” 

“Glad you had a good time,” he says, putting her feet in his lap and pressing gently on the toenails. Cute.

“You look good, Pearl.”

She smiles and flexes her toes. “I do my best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> agents of smash is actually pretty good but there's only so much machismo i can handle at a time. funny though


	7. SVU

She dreams that she’s in the wrong body again, flat chested and gawky. Her limbs are frozen and she can’t move and people are _staring_ at her. 

“Pearl…Pearl.” She shakes awake with Gwen’s hands on her upper arms, gripping tight. Pearl takes a deep, shuddering breath and stares at the ceiling. 

“ _Sorry_. Sorry.”

Gwen drags her up by the shoulders to hug her tight. “Bad nightmare?” 

“Aren’t they all bad?”

Gwen laughs and sits back. The light from the hallway haloes her hair in gold. “Maybe. Some are worse than others.” 

Pearl drags a hand over her face. “What time is it?”

“Six.” 

“We have to get up in an hour anyway. IHOP?” 

Gwen stands, rubs at the side of her head. “Sure. Much as I’d like to sleep for another hour, pancakes are always nice.”

Pearl follows her into the living room, where Gwen’s spot on the couch has the blankets thrown aside. Gwen always rushes to help her, and Pearl is suddenly _so_ grateful. She reaches out, squeezes Gwen’s arm. “Hey. Thanks.”

Gwen gives her a sunny grin as she tugs a coat on over her pajamas. “What, for pancakes that I’m gonna make you pay for?”

Pearl puts her boots on, laughs. “What am I, your sugar daddy?”

Gwen slaps her ass and kisses her cheek. “You know it, babe.”

 

The bright lights in IHOP, Gwen’s legs tangled with hers, chase the last of the nightmare away. Pearl gets two plates stacked a foot high. Her metabolism, according to S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists, is three times faster than a normal woman her age. Pearl just knows she’s hungry all the time.

Gwen gets French toast that she drowns in syrup, like always. Gwen’s dependable. Pearl kicks lightly at Gwen’s shin. “How’re you liking Empire State?”

Gwen brightens, the shadows under her eyes less prominent. “I love it! My Chem classes are kicking my ass, but it’s nice, you know?” Pearl nods, swallows down a pancake. “How’s work?” 

Pearl shrugs. She quit at the Bugle when she transitioned, cause her transitioning at the same time as Spidergirl would be too suspicious. She works in a lab now, for Stark. The pay is better and she never gets yelled at. “Yesterday I got to use a scalpel made out of adamantium to cut flowers. They’ve been splicing DNA between jellyfish and roses, so the roses glow.” 

“My Bio professor’s been ranting about that for _days_. It’s really-” Tires squeal outside, the crash of metal. Then screams. Pearl glances at Gwen, who nods. “Go. I’ll call you later, kay?”  
Pearl thanks her and drops a twenty on the table.

 

It takes her a few seconds to change in an alley, head towards the street. There’s a car twisted around a pole, people already gathered round. “Hey there,” Pearl calls, jumping to land near the car’s first window. Only one passenger, a woman, cut on her forehead, a little woozy. “Are you alright?” Pearl asks, crouching low. “Will you let me help you?”   
The woman slurs out a yes, so Pearl pulls the door open and lifts her out. These kind of things are almost nice, easy. Helping out one on one with the citizens. The woman, whose name is Wendy, sits on the curb with Pearl.   
She seems to be alright, no major injuries. Pearl can wait til the ambulance shows up. Wendy is young, dressed professionally. Pearl hands her a tissue to dry the blood on her face. “Here.” 

“Thanks.” Wendy dabs at her skin, curling her toes in front of her. She took her heels off before stepping out of the car. “Stop paying attention for one second and my car is totaled,” she groans, dropping her head to her hands.

“I’m sorry about that,” Pearl offers. 

Wendy bites her lip, then smiles. “S’okay. I have car insurance. You’re a lot smaller than I expected.”

“I _was_ 5’10,” Pearl admits, cause small talk doesn’t hurt.

“My sister’s trans, so I don’t have a problem,” Wendy blurts out. 

“Glad to hear it,” Pearl says cheerily, cause there are few enough people who support both superheroes and trans people. 

“You take a lot of shit, Spidergirl, but you’re a good person.” The ambulance pulls up, so Pearl claps her on the shoulder and webs off, smiling. 

 

Wade’s on her couch when she gets home. “Aunt May wants to know how you are.” Wade holds up the stump of his right arm, rapidly regrowing. “Oh, _gross_.” 

He lifts his mask over his nose and grins at her. “There are some very angry ninjas out there, pretty girl.”

“Did you get blood on my couch?” Pearl doesn’t bother asking if he’s okay. Wade is always okay. She settles next to him and kicks her feet up. “Are you staying over?”

“Yeah.” He shakes his hand out as the nails finish growing. “Do you mind?” 

“If I minded, I would web you to a wall and leave you there.” He just smiles.

 

Wade has his own toothbrush in her bathroom, in a plastic bag next to Gwen’s, Mary Jane’s, and Danny’s. His laundry is mixed with hers. Unless he’s on a job, her bed sheets always smell like him. Pearl runs a hand over the scars on his head and smiles.

He grumbles a little in his sleep but doesn’t wake. He looks good sprawled across her bed, big shoulders and long legs. She has work in the morning, but Wade’s here now, so sleep will come fast.


	8. Brock

He wakes up and Pearl’s gone. Yellow is grumbling, _Why isn’t Pearl here?_

**She has work** , the other box says, reminding. Wade yawns and stretches, blinking at the rough surface of her ceiling. He has a job in a few days, a nasty dictator in a country the U.S. government doesn’t like very much.  
Wade doesn’t care. It’s one mil, and that’s one mil in his bank account. Wade Wilson is crazy, but he gets the job done. Until then, he’s all Pearl’s. Hopefully she won’t get too sick of him. **Web us to a wall.**

_We could like that._ He nods in agreement and rolls off the bed, reaching for his phone. No texts, not a surprise. Pearl texts him, sometimes. She uses perfect grammar.  
He takes a longer shower than usual. There’s dried blood under his fingernails. He doesn’t really…know…where it comes from, if it’s his or someone else’s. _Bad bad bad boy._

“Maybe it was a criminal?” he says aloud, tapping at the side of his skull, trying to reboot it into normal. What passes for normal. 

**Aren’t we a criminal?** It doesn’t really matter, he decides. Someone is probably dead, it’s not like he can bring them back to life. **Maybe it was Pearl** and he has a brief moment of panic before he remembers there’s no blood, no mess, and Pearl would’ve put up one _hell_ of a fight.   
Wade’s not even sure he could beat her. He doesn’t really want to be able to. He steals some of Pearl’s clothes from before, always sweats, cause her jeans would be too small for him. He does take her skirts occasionally, though. He feels pretty in her skirts. 

Breakfast is chimichangas, cause tradition can be a good thing. There’s gotta be at least one mention of chimichangas per story, or the author gets sued. It’s delivery, cause Wade doesn’t like going out in public. The mask draws a lot of attention, and his bare face even more. Worse.   
He works out, though his healing factor generally keeps him in the same shape. Sleeps. Watches TV and reads through Pearl’s books. They’re mostly about science, shit that makes his eyes cross. Pearl’s smarter than him, smarter than most. She makes her own webs and works in Stark’s lab. Pearl does things. What does he do? 

**We’ve made a significant dent in the Earth’s population.**

_And the population of a few other planets, too._ He settles back, hitting his heels against the bottom of the couch. Gotta be _real_ careful, not to dent up any of Pearl’s stuff.  
Pearl is nice and lets him stay, keeps his head on, slaps him around when he needs it. Pain helps, not too much of it, but enough. Snaps him back to reality. This reality. 

Pearl comes home wet, hair plastered to her face. She shakes herself, takes off her coat while grinning at him. Her pretty face is flushed. _**Lovely**_ , the boxes agree.

“Rain?” he asks.

“No, I was attacked by a pool,” she snarks, bending to wring her hair out. He laughs and reaches back, pulling her over and onto the couch. She smells like rain and New York, which is the smell of humanity condensed into air. 

He presses his face to her neck and breathes deep, overwhelmed. “Hey.”

She makes a pleased noise when he takes her hand, fiddling with her fingers. Pearl has nice hands, short-nailed and practical. She keeps them painted. Sometimes they paint their nails together. Wade likes blue. “Hi.”

He bites back to urge to kiss her jaw. Doesn’t want to push his luck. With Pearl, everything is lucky. _Wish we could get lucky_ , yellow grumbles. 

“You wanna catch a movie?” she asks, sitting up. “Flashbang looks good.” 

“You wanna go out with this ugly mug?” he says, gesturing at his face. 

She rolls her eyes. “C’mon. I’ll even pay.”

“Whatever you want, pretty girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying to get up to 10,000 words so yeah


	9. Nick

She wakes up in a hospital bed, bleary and aching. Her mask is still on, so that’s cool. Wade is by her side, mask on, scarred skin rough against her right palm. How long has he been holding her hand? 

“Hey,” she murmurs, squeezing. He doesn’t move, facing straight ahead. “Wade?” 

“You were dead,” he says hoarsely, low enough that she has to schooch forward. “Your heart stopped twice.” 

She tries a cheery, “Well, yeah, that’s what happens when you go up against Electro.” 

“I tried your pulse and I couldn’t feel anything. You fell two stories after he electrocuted you.” Wade serious is…unsettling. He won’t look at her. 

“I’m alright, honest.” Her throat is tight with nerves. “I’ve had a lot of near death, and death, experiences,” she jokes, swallowing. 

“So have I. But you don’t come back, Pearl. You just lie there.” He fists one hand in the side of his mask, hunching. “And I keep thinking you’re too important to the story to kill off, but-” 

“What the hell are you talking about?”

He shakes himself. “Nothing. I gotta go.” 

“What? _No_.” He stands, and she always forgets how _big_ he is. Broad shouldered. Intimidating, probably. But he’s just Wade. “I’ve been hurt before!”

“Not when I was watching.” He starts laughing, the crazy coming back. “You were like a fuckin’ ragdoll.” He tugs his hand out of her grip and sheathes his swords. “I’m not sticking around to wait for you to die, Pearlie.” 

He ducks out, followed by her angry, “You’re a dick, Wade!”  
___________________________  
She texts MJ and Gwen to come visit. She’s _not_ crying. That would be stupid. Wade’s not her boyfriend, even if he has a key to her apartment and spends half his time there and sleeps in her bed. Damnit. _Damnit_.  
She calls him, gets his voicemail, a gravelly, “Deadpool. I look forward to unaliving some dudes for you.” 

“Wade, you _asshole_ ,” she hisses into the phone. “You stealth boyfriended me. When I get out, I’m hunting you down.” She hangs up, settles back into the bed, calls for morphine. She deserves some drugs.  
________________________________  
When she comes back to the world of the unmedicated, someone else is holding her hand. Gwen. Mary Jane is perched on her lap, head against her shoulder. MJ and Gwen have an on again, off again relationship. Looks like they’re on again. 

“Hey, ladies.”

“Oh, good. You’re normal again,” MJ says, sitting up. “You were muttering about butterflies for a while there.” 

“How are you feeling?” Gwen interrupts, frowning. 

“I don’t even know where I am,” Pearl admits.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. They have, like, a folder on us,” MJ says. “We’re listed as allies of Spidergirl.” 

“ _Anyway_. What happened?” 

“Wade left. He says he can’t handle watching me die.”

“Pussy.” MJ winces under Gwen’s glare. “What? I don’t like straight boys.”

Pearl snorts. “Wade’s hardly straight.”

“Is he coming back?”

“Probably not. I’ll find him when I get out of here. I mean, he’s mostly my boyfriend.” 

MJ nods. “Cool.”

“Good luck,” Gwen offers. 

“Thanks.”  
______________________  
**That was stupid.**

 _Go back to Pearl go back go back go back._

“I don’t feel anything,” he mutters. 

**Is that why you’re sulking in New York’s dingiest bar?**

“I _like_ dingy bars.” He’s killed three people since he left Pearl. Two rapists and Wolverine. Well, Wolverine’s not actually dead, just stabbed in the gut. It healed, then Logan cut Wade’s arm off. It’s a fun little game between them. 

**You’re a coward** , Blue sneers, accusing.

_Coward coward coward. Just like dad said._

He slams his head against the bar top. Everything’s blissfully white for a second until the concussion heals. “Hey!” The bartender snarls at him, snapping a towel in his direction. “Enough of that. Get out!”  
__________________________  
Everything’s a little hazy after that. Some multicolored pills. A flash of street signs, the back of a car, everything passing by in a blur of smeared light. Someone’s tapping him, he’s falling, there’s blood in his mouth, his swords are dancing, so beautiful.  
His skin is melting off, so that’s weird. There’s like a thousand birds, and he can’t quite feel his hands. _Weird_.  
_____________________________  
He comes to in a dumpster. Kate Bishop peers at him over the brim, chin perched on her forearms. “Wassup, baby Hawkeye?” 

“I could close this on you,” she says lazily, blowing a lock of hair off her face. “It’s just Hawkeye.”

“Where am I?” 

“Same place you’ve been for the last eight hours. Gibbering in a dumpster.”

“What, like, crazy gibbering or drug gibbering?” 

“Drugs. I guess they finally found a drug that can last for you.” 

“And I am _so_ thrilled about that. Pending investigation. Why are you here?”

“Hawkeye told me to keep an eye on you.”

“Does that whole Hawkeye squared thing get confusing?” 

She squints for a long moment. “No.”

He waves a hand, stands to heave himself over the edge. She takes a step back, cautious. “I’m leaving New York. Maybe. You can relax. I’m a lone wolf galloping into the sunset.” 

“Oh. Cool.” She slips her sunglasses on and jogs off. 

**She’s young!** Blue exclaims.

“Yeah, sure,” Wade grumbles. His suit is sweaty and he misses Pearl.

 **You’re such a fucking stereotype. In love but afraid of commitment** , Blue screams, so loud his head feels bashed in.

“Shut up!” he yells, clutching at his face. 

_‘You’ll get hurt’ Paltry fucking excuse for leaving her. What are you, Wolverine?_

**Pathetic.** He just wants to be miserable. But the voices are shrill and everything is suddenly overwhelming.  
_____________________  
Wade’s really easy to find. Crouched in Times Square, hands over his ears. People ae gathered around to stare. She jumps swiftly from building to building, lands easily on her toes. Super powers are _awesome_. 

“Are you okay?” She sticks a hand to his shoulder and tugs up. He hangs limply from her fingers. 

“M’head hurts.” 

“I’m taking you home.” 

“M’sorry. I love you.”

“Love you too.”  
______________________________  
He sleeps for three days. She’s not sure what happened to him, but she doesn’t mind. She can put off the necessary conversation as long as he needs to. Logan drops by, tells her that Wade was high off something, so she shouldn’t blame this one on his crazy. It’s fine, she knew what she was getting into. He’s worth it.  
He wakes up, goes immediately to her cabinets and eats fifteen pop tarts. She sits across from him. “Are you done being a shithead now?” He nods loosely. “So you’re gonna stay?” He nods again. “And you love me.” 

He starts to nod, catches himself, goes very still. “Ye-es?” he tries. 

“Cool. Cause I love you.” She leans over the table, kisses him quickly. There are crumbs on his mouth. That’s okay. 

He sucks in a little gasp, grabs her suit by the front, pulls her in close. “C’mere, _fuck. Pearl_.”

She licks into his mouth, nails scratching at the scars on his neck. “You fucking _idiot_ , Wade.” 

“Amazing,” he whispers, cups her jaw. “Pearlie Pearlie Pearlie.” She leaps over and straddles him.

“You’re not leaving again.”

“Never,” he swears.

“Good boy.”  
_____________________  
She has her cheek pressed to Wade’s rough skin, his leg between hers. He strokes up and down her bare back. The smug grin on his face suits him. “So, Spider flexibility is _awesome_.”

“You’re a pig,” she says, kissing his collarbone. 

“You weren’t saying that when you screamed my name, pretty girl.” 

“Jesus, Wade. Chill.” He giggles. She puts a hand over his heart and holds on.  
END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is the end and i'm really bad at endings so yeah enjoy if you can i guess


	10. Cunning Linguist

“They call you ‘Merc With A Mouth’ for a reason, huh?” Pearl sighs, lying back as Wade wipes at his chin. Both of them are still panting.

He gives her the most disappointed look Pearl’s _ever_ seen and bites lightly at her inner thigh. “Pearl. Honestly. Like I haven’t heard that one before.” 

She laughs as he heaves himself alongside her. “C’mon. I had to say it at least once.”

“Cable was the first person who ever said that to me.” 

She gapes at the ceiling for a second. “You did _not_ sleep with Cable.”

“I _so_ slept with Cable. I banged him so hard he forgot the future.” 

She giggles helplessly into Wade’s shoulder, because _Cable_. Really. “Okay. Who else?” 

“Copycat. She used to shapeshift into Wolverine right before I orgasmed and I still can’t look Logan in the eye. Then a lot of random ladies and dudes. Then Thanos. _That_ was weird. And then Mystique, but she was just trying to get info so I’m not sure if that counts?”

“It does,” Pearl decides, sliding her leg over his. He shivers and cups the back of her thigh. “Was she shifted to someone else?” 

“Hell no, I love my women blue and scaly.” 

“Did it work?” 

“Eh?” 

“Did she get the info?” 

“Of fuckin’ course she did. I think I told her my Social Security number and she didn’t even _ask_ for it.”

“Wade, you’re Canadian. You don’t have Social Security.”

“Shows how good she is, then,” he shrugs, skimming his hand up her thigh and to the back of her neck. “What about you?” 

“Me and Gwen lost our virginity to each other when we were seventeen. Really sweet first love stuff, you know. Then I dated Nova, but we broke up pretty fast. That’s all of them.” 

“I’m the best one yet,” Wade brags. 

“Hm, I dunno. Sam used to do this thing with his tongue…” 

She’s laughing as Wade flips her over and starts kissing down her chest. “I’ll show you tongue things that’ll blow your mind, pretty girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all i'm the fucking greatest second of all i might add on a few more of these cause i like pearl/wade


End file.
